How Do You Do It?
Pepper Scott
Terry asked me one day, “How do you do it?”
Now, what kind of question is that?
I was puzzled for a minute. Then he added, “How do you look so fine and content being stuck with me?”
Ah. That question.
I would tell him, no, correct him, actually. “Honey, I don’t look fine. I am fine.”
Terry was not convinced.
I suppose, over the years, he finally got it. Or maybe he just decided arguing with me was not worth the effort. That was another one of his survival skills.
The world is a funny place. It can be very large and very small at the same time, depending on how you choose to see it and how you choose to live in it.
When I was younger, I was fearless. I did stupid things and good things, sometimes managing to combine the two. I had dreams that were big and probably unrealistic, along with dreams that were small and tender. I wanted to see places, experience things, make memories.
Terry had plenty of dreams too.
Most of them did not come true.
But here is the thing about Terry. He lived.
He lived the moments that showed up. He lived with whatever landed on him, even when it crashed. He figured out what he could do with what he had and then did it.
I could have asked him the same question.
“How do you do it?”
But I never did.
I would just give him a hint. Maybe a little teaser. And that was all it took. The man could turn one tiny opening into three hours of stories and jokes. He could make a simple question wander off into another state, take a few scenic detours, and come home with a punchline.
That was how Terry did it.
“How do you do it?”
That question came up more than once during the many heart-to-heart conversations we had over the years. It was almost as if he was checking in with me.
Are you still okay?
Are you still standing where you said you would stand?
Have you changed your mind?
There were plenty of times when our situation was not easy.
Actually, there were many times.
I used to tell Terry that I simply looked up at the wide-open sky and dreamed of nice things. Good places. Beautiful possibilities beyond those clouds.
I was not stuck with a sick person.
I was just being with the best person I knew and loved.
There is a difference.
And maybe that is how we do it.
For those of us fortunate enough to get to experience this life, we look up. We dream. We hope. We notice the clouds moving and the light changing and the fact that there is still something beautiful happening right in front of us.
Hope is the best thing.
Today, I had one of those moments when I asked myself the same question Terry had asked me so many times.
“How do you do it?”
So I went out to Terry’s Garden and sat with him.
I looked up.
And there it was.
That enormous blue sky, scattered with clouds that looked as if someone had taken a paintbrush and just kept going. And for a little while, I could see Terry beyond those clouds. I could almost hear him telling me another story, probably one I had heard before but would happily hear again.
I sat there and felt okay.
I felt blessed.
I felt hope.
Maybe that is the answer.
You look up.
You keep dreaming.
And you live.
